Book Review: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. Riley Howe
Book Review: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. Riley Howe
It’s September, which means: Sexual Health Month!
WAS, the World Association for Sexual Health, has named the theme of the month positive relationships, and here at RCSW we’re celebrating all the different kinds of relationships sexual health involves: from your relationship with yourself to your relationship with your health providers (and more). This week in particular will focus on your relationship with yourself. How do you feel about your sexuality? Your body? Your turn-ons and turn-offs? Throughout the month we’ll be featuring all sorts of relevant content on our Instagram and Facebook, so keep your eyes out if you want to see more about these topics. Coming up next: a shopper’s guide to sex toys, and an introduction to Embody (our Body Appreciation Skills Group run by sex educator Jenna Weintraub)!
But right now, we’re going to take a minute to rep Emily Nagoski’s NYT Bestseller Come As You Are: a perfect intro to this month’s sexual health theme, and especially this week’s focus on the relationship with the self.
Nagoski is a sex educator and researcher who spent eight years as the director of wellness education at Smith College before she committed full-time to public speaking and writing. She published Come As You Are in 2015, and it quickly became a revolutionary text in the sexual wellness field. Nagoski was able to explain some of the most important recent developments in women’s sexual wellness in a clear and engaging way, making the information more accessible than ever.
Nagoski’s book is honest, approachable, and informed in ways that were unprecedented at the time amidst a largely white, cisgendered, heterosexual, and male scientific field. She validates the negative sexual experiences that are common for many women under the patriarchy, like slut-shaming and body-shaming, and accessibly educates her readers on the biology behind their thoughts and feelings (if you haven’t heard of the Dual Control Model of sexuality, it’ll change your life). She challenges the countless myths imposed on us by a society that criticizes everything, from our bodies and anatomy to our private desires and sex lives.
Come As You Are is an intensely powerful piece on liberation: liberation from shame, body insecurity, self-doubt, misinformation, and fear. And, though the author admits that this book focuses on cis women, many of her underlying messages are relevant to people of all genders. Nagoski’s focus on the impact of stress and self-image on our sexual wellness is a concept relevant to all of us, regardless of genitalia or gender identity.
While you’re examining your relationship with yourself this week, Come As You Are might answer some important questions. How do you really feel about your body, your desires, and your sex life? How many of these feelings are determined by an external influence like society or your partner? And, most importantly, what can you do to improve your sexual relationship with yourself?
Who knows, maybe it’ll even come in the form of a more consistent solo sex practice (hello, sex toy guide!) or some body appreciation guidance from Jenna.
If you’re interested in hearing more from us, you can call the center at 585-865-3584 or follow us on Instagram at @rochestersexualwellness. To sign up for the Embody: Body Appreciation Skills Group, email Jenna at jenna@rochestercenterforsexualwellness.com. You can also check out Emily Nagoski’s new book Come Together: The Science (and Art) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections, which focuses on sexual wellness in long-term relationships.
“About Emily.” Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., www.emilynagoski.com/the-facts. Accessed 11 Sept. 2024.
