Book Review: Sex Points by Bat Sheva Marcus

by Amelia Saller

I rate this 5 out of 5 Sunflowers.

This book is primarily written for women, but it is user friendly to everyone regardless of identity, sexual orientation, race, and more. I would recommend my partner to read it so we can have deeper conversations on the quadrants discussed and take the steps to upgrade our sex life. 


“Expert advice!!”

I picked up a physical copy of this book and smugly read on it on a crowded airplane. Sure, I got some side-eye business from some skeptical people, but my thought was “You are TOTALLY missing out.”

When I first started reading the book, I faced an interference of inner conflicts when the 100-point system on your sex life was introduced at the beginning of the book.

“I’m in my mid- 30s, there’s no way I could score low. It would be embarrassing if I did”

“I’m afraid if I know what my number really is, I’m going to be down about it, so maybe I should skip the book and save myself the trouble?”

“But….I do want to know what’s going on with me.”

“If I score at a zero, at least I know all I can do is going up from here, right?”


The great thing is, she walks you every step of the way. She even provided a link to score yourself online. I didn’t have to pull out pen and paper and try to figure out what my score was sitting in an airplane seat so small that you share thigh sweat with person sitting next to you. The best thing is you don’t have to share your answers with anyone. In this book there are earmarks of truth as she expatiates on all the quadrants in which the scoring is based on. I never felt less of a person as I saw areas where I did score low on. The quadrants helped me to pinpoint where I needed work. I also recognized the areas where I felt good and more concrete in my sex life. She promotes positivity and provides easy steps to render what may be going. She also explains that the scoring changes all the time, especially as you go through different walks of life.  

Well, I can officially say I’m not a lost cause. Whoo. I didn’t realize how easy the solutions were. What’s not easy is recognizing what’s going on, addressing it, and accepting it. When you do, guess what, the solutions are icing on the cake, and you get to enjoy it. Hmm icing, I’m losing my train of thought here…

Ok, so the four quadrants she highlights on are:  Pain, Desire, Arousal, and Orgasm. She goes in depth with how they correlate in your sex life and how they are different from each other. The book also includes how hormones play a role, how certain drugs can be beneficial, the use of fantasies to help with certain aspects AND she introduces vibrators as part of the solution in many areas (she’s big on vibrators people, she goes in depth on all the different ones available, so do yourself a favor and save some loose change because you’re going to want to buy 1, or 2, maybe 3, but who’s counting). She also talks about complicated emotions and the neuroplasticity in the brain and how that relates to sex. I love that she uses real life examples. It’s very relatable. Hands down amazing work Dr. Bat Sheva!

So, you know how I told you to pick your homework? I’m going to make this one a requirement. Sorry, not sorry. While you’re sulking about it, go grab yourself a cupcake and a vibrator and dive in.

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