This is one of the most common sexual problems for people who want to be sexual with each other. A mismatch is just what you think– one partner wants more sex than another partner– most of the time, there is nothing “wrong” with either a person with lower desire or a person with higher desire — it’s just one of the many ways that people who love each other a lot may have a mismatch!
Our Optimal Sexual Experiences group may be the best and most cost effective recommendation – at $800/couple over two months, this is a true bargain, and is an evidence-based treatment as well! Learn more about Optimal Sexual Experiences groups here.
Couples sex therapy is also available and many people prefer this method of treatment. If you have tried couples counseling before and still have infrequent or no sex, unsatisfying sex, or mismatched desire (one of you wants more sex than the other) do not give up! There are two major reasons for this.
1) Few couples counselors have the in-depth training in sex and sexuality. They may recommend “date night”, games, “I statements”, or compromise. Somethmes this is enough, 0thers need more.
2) research on psychotherapy is very clear that if you tried one counselor and did not “click” or have a good working alliance you should not give up. Finding the right therapist can take more than one try.
At the Rochester Center for Sexual Wellness we believe you should be having sex worth having, the sex you want, and not a drop more. Arousal is not an emergency and higher desire partners can be satisfied with less frequent but more meaningful sex. Let us help you learn the science behind drops in frequency and desire, the methods to feel connected and attuned to each other, and to have the best sex of your life!
Learn more about your sexual desire by participating in this research study by the Kinsey Institute. This online questionnaire focuses on things that excite you sexually and things that inhibit you sexually. For more information, print your results out and bring it to your appointment.